Stressing For a Baby? (Part One)

When it comes to having a baby, there are only two categories that couples can fall into: the "haves" and the "have nots". After my husband and I were married, we took the necessary precautions to make sure that we didn't get pregnant until we felt the time was right. However, three years after stopping all forms of birth control, my OB/GYN (obstetrician/ gynecologist) sat me down for a little talk.

First of all, everyone's body is different and our situations are different. With that said, my doctor told me that there were certain tests and drugs that we could try to see if there was a fertility issue. First my doctor asked me to track my cycles for a few months so that we could figure out when I was ovulating. Ovulating means the ovaries are discharging an egg. Once we knew when I was ovulating, my doctor asked me to use a chart that he made just for me to let me know what two days to get romantic with the hubby.

We tried this for about three months. The result was that nothing happened. I was disappointed but not discouraged. I went back to see my OB/GYN. The doctor told me that the next step was to take a fertility drug during the peak time to try to conceive. During this time, he would also have blood tests performed to make sure that my body was producing the correct amounts of hormones to release an egg.

I was prescribed clomid also known as clomiphene citrate. Clomid is often used as a fertility drug in the pill form because it is effective in stimulating ovulation, doesn't have too many side effects and is very inexpensive compared to other fertility drugs. I was prescribed clomid for days 10-14 after my menstrual cycle. We tried this treatment twice and I had blood drawn about six to eight times during the two months that we tried this treatment.  

During this time, ALL of my close friends and co-workers became pregnant and they all had little girls. Since my friends didn't have any of the issues that I was having, I didn't have anyone to confide in and I was starting to get really depressed. I was starting to think that I would never be able to have children of my own. My husband saw how sad I was and decided to book a cruise so that we could get away for a few days and relax.

I saw my OB/GYN again before the trip, I think this was the eighth time within the same year. He told me that the next step was to have a diagnostic test performed. The doctor needed to see if my fallopian tubes were blocked. The name of the test was a hysterosalpingogram. According to Web MD,"a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them". This test is performed on women who are having a hard time conceiving (infertile).

I was becoming a living science project or at least I felt that way so I made sure to research this procedure. I'm glad that I researched the hysterosalpingogram. I found out that the diagnostic technician was going to inject dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes while taking pictures using an X-ray machine! One positive side effect of the procedure was that it had the potential to unblock or unclog my tubes and lead to pregnancy.

On the day of the procedure, I was very upbeat and ready to find out what was going on with my body. I was also excited about my vacation since this was my first 4 day cruise and it would start in five more days.

It took two technicians to administer the test and they were nice but that test hurt like heck! Imagine lying on an X-ray table and add stirrups to one end, similar to the ones used for a genealogical exam. Keep that picture in mind and add a computer monitor and a machine that injects dye into the uterus. The part of the test that hurts is when the dye starts to travel up the fallopian tubes and that is the main part of the test.

The hysterosaplingogram takes about 20 to 30 minutes to run and you will be asked to twist your body in various positions as the technicians take pictures of the shape and size of the uterus and other structures. A specialist will read your images and provide a summary for your doctor and you can request a DVD for your doctor to review as well. If you have to take this test, I highly recommend bringing pain medicine and sanitary napkins for afterwards and you may even want to wear a dress or skirt (just so you can hurry home to relax). The dye can cause severe menstrual cramps so be forewarned.

My doctor had the results of the test two days later and he called me to let me know that everything looked normal. A few days later I went on the most relaxing vacation I had ever been on and found out that I was pregnant a few weeks later. Life was great! At least for a little while...

Stressing For a Meaningful Relationship

It's the holiday season once again. Time for food, fun, family and romance! Today while I was out and about, I just couldn't help but notice all the couples running around, holding hands and cuddling as they tried to stay warm.

Observing young love, gentle and pure, helped me to remember something from the past....my list. I don't know where I got the idea from. But, I was about twenty at the time and I was just plain tired of dating the same guy over and over. His name would change but his mindset was always the same. I had a knack for dating guys that had never ventured far from home, they were mamma's boys and they seemed to hate dating educated women. 

I love stimulating conversation, traveling and visiting museums, aquariums and the zoo. Somehow, I dated guys that only wanted to go to the movies, an occasional football or basketball game and be seen in the mall or at the club with me on their arm. One day, I got tired. Was I continuously settling? Didn't I care about my own feelings?

At the time I didn't feel like I was settling but I would have a party after each relationship ended. I would pamper myself at the spa, go out with the girls and just spend a week doing whatever I wanted to do. But one day I created the list. The list became a living part of who I was.

After I created the list, I realized that with past relationships, I would become the woman that my boyfriend always wanted.  With each relationship, I would literally loose who I was and become someone that wasn't real. Someone that only existed as a fantasy.

So, by now you want to know what was "the list"? I'll tell you...

The list was a number of characteristics that I thought my future husband should possess. The reason why people date is so they can learn what they want in a potential mate, right? With that in mind, the top five characteristics were MUST Have's. The next five to ten characteristics were what I was attracted to visually and I included a few morals and beliefs.

I no longer have my list but this is what I remember:

1. Has to believe in God

2. Has to respect his mother

3. Has to treat women with respect

4. Must have a degree

5. Must believe that education is important

6. Has to be able to pick me up

7. Has to be able to make me laugh

8. He should like to travel

9. Can't be afraid to try new things

10. He must have a job

11. He must desire to work

12. Must have dreams, aspirations and realistic goals

13. No kids from a previous relationship

14. Not a smoker 

What Are We "Stressing For"?

As I lay in agony, in the light blue hospital gown with the tiny diamond print for the forth time...I decided that I would stop stressing. I vowed to stop stressing for my job, for my family, and for my education. Over the past two years, my body has been systematically getting rid of non-vital organs and I felt that I would end up right back in the hospital within six months if I didn't get my stress levels under control.

My 9 to 5 recently jumped on the restructuring band wagon and I was immediately afraid of what the future would bring. So far, only a few job cuts were made but the current economic recession still makes me jittery.  

My family is awesome. My husband and kiddo support everything that I do and I can count on one hand how many times we have done things as a family this year. It's sad but true. I've been too busy with work and graduate school to give them the proper time and attention they deserve. The only time I seem to slow down is for the two or three days immediately following surgery. 

As, I mentioned earlier, I am a grad student. When working on a Master's degree, the main requirement is to spend lots and lots of time staying abreast of current events and writing essays and research papers and presenting group assignments. Sometimes, it's not easy to get grown ups to do their homework and to work as a functional group. 

While sipping on chicken broth and counting down the hours to my surgery, I promised myself that I would try to have more fun with my family. I didn't think that it was fair that my husband had to wait to spend time with me on our six year anniversary while I worked on homework for the first eight hours just to spend the final four hours of it in the emergency room. Neither one of us had control over what happened that night but I still felt bad about how the night ended.

Starting today, Thursday, December 9th, 2010, I am on a journey to rediscover how to have fun, and at the same time, to share what I learn along the way with others. 

If you would like to be a part of my journey, just post a comment and we will do our best to respond.